“Saying I love you”
It is sad that it is difficult for couples married for years to tell each other ‘I love you’ yet when they were dating those three words were spoken so easily
When a man and woman start dating, they often tend to involve God. They pray, they grow spiritually together. But for many, this spiritual connection fades away in marriage, no longer are they a prayerful couple.
The biggest goal couples have while dating is the goal of a wedding. They will work as a team, plan every detail of the wedding, involve the people in their lives, have a vision and execute it. But many couples no longer work as a team in marriage. If only they could come up with joint goals in marriage with the same zeal they did while planning their wedding.
“Pleasing each other”
Many no longer make an attempt to please their marital spouse, this is a huge contrast from how they used to go out of their way to please that same spouse when they were dating. Where did the love go?
5. “Going out on dates”
Dates shouldn’t end when you get married. Weekly, fortnightly, or monthly go out on a date as husband and wife just like you did while dating. If dates had value while dating, they still have value in marriage because they offer a pre-planned set aside time where you block everything and everyone else and focus on each other; even though you live in the same house.
“Calling each other sweet names”
‘Darling’, ‘Honey’, ‘Sweetheart.. these are some of the names lovers use while dating. But for some, months deep in the marriage and these affectionate names are no more. Instead, they are replaced by less affectionate mannerisms or names such as ‘Baba nani’, ‘Mama nani’… In as much as your spouse loves being referred to as a mother or father, your spouse still wants to feel like a wife/husband, loved like a lover.
“Impressing the parents”
While dating and hoping for marriage, people make effort to impress the parent/s of their lover. But many, once they get married they distance themselves and care little for their spouse’s parent/s
“Spending quality time”
When dating,couples share quality time. In marriage, sadly, many no longer make time for their spouse, they deliberately come home late and ignore their spouse. You two no longer communicate intimately and deeply and you wonder why your marriage is not as amazing as things were when dating.
The excitement during dating makes us dress up to look good. When going to meet our lover, we get our hair done, clothe in our best fashion, smell good and look amazing. But many in their marriage are boring, they no longer see the need to look good for their spouse, they dress poorly to bed; what changed?
“Saying sorry and thank you”
While dating,couples tend to be sensitive and appreciative towards each other. But in marriage, many take that lover they married for granted; no apologies, no showing gratitude as if they are thinking ‘Why thank my spouse for doing what a spouse is expected to do?’
“Calling each other on phone”
Couples who are dating chat and call each other on phone. But many, as soon as they marry, no texts or phone calls through out the day; no calling just to check up on your husband/wife unless it’s calling the spouse to get something done or complain why something meant to be done wasn’t done.
When was the last time you kissed your husband/wife outside of sex?
“Public display of affection”
While dating, couples hold hands, he holds her waist, she leans on him, they kiss on cheek in public. What happens that when those same couple marries the affection goes; did the love decrease?
Love is also shown through the giving of gifts, especially while dating. When was the last time you bought your husband/wife a gift for no special reason other than love?
When dating you used to laugh, you’d joke, smile, dance, have fun; now that you are married, do you still have good times, do you still enjoy each other? Or are you caught up in a rut, paying bills, putting up with each other, in a taste-less marriage?
The fear of losing someone or the desire to win someone’s heart while dating makes us be on our best behaviour. But many, once the wedding is done, and they have the one they were eyeing, they change and no longer are the good person they portrayed themselves to be while dating. Many act as if the good things they do while dating are just a strategy to get the one they are eyeing to marry; as if once they marry that person the good things they did are no longer necessary. Carry forward into marriage the good things you did for your loved one when you were dating; if those good things led you from dating to getting married, those good things will lead you from getting married to staying happily married.
By John Mining