Should One Stop Talking to Opposite Sex while in a Relationship-Benjamin Zulu
Someone has asked what to do because her relationship is straining due to her male friends. Her partner is uncomfortable with her associating with them but she doesn’t think it’s reasonable to cut off one’s friends. She says that they usually meet with the friends for coffee sometimes in groups sometimes just the two of them.
I said that the partner was right in feeling uncomfortable.
Something must change in the way we relate with the opposite sex the moment we get into a relationship. It’s not about the insecurities of your partner but respecting and protecting your relationship.
It doesn’t mean we discard friends or stop talking to them but that we adjust the closeness in respect for our relationship. When we’re single many of our friendships are unstructured and sometimes flirtatious and there’s no problem with that.
But once we cease being single there must be a dedication of all our romantic attention to our partner. All other friendships must be pure and respectful. You still talk to your male friends but with the right distance. You don’t meet just the two of you in a hotel without letting your partner know and making them understand why such an exclusive meeting is necessary. You can diffuse the whole perception by having a third person present.
In law we say doing justice is not enough, that appearance and perception also matter. The maxim is that justice should not just be done but must also be seen to have been done. You may not have any impure motives with your friends, but how does it appear to your partner and other outsiders when you’re meeting in seclusion like that?
You also need friends who respect the fact that you’re in a relationship. They should not continue expecting the same availability as before. If they’re genuine they should also be happy for you that you’re making a step forward.
Relate with the opposite sex in the manner you expect your partner to do on their end. And if you were raised with sisters only and as a guy you have never learnt to put boundaries with ladies therefore, be open to learning. The same rule applies to ladies who were raised with brothers only.
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