On men and their messy houses: if he’s dirty, drop him- Benjamin Zulu
‘Hello, today you talked about hygiene and how it affects love. Okay can you talk about men also? I mean there’s this guy I met and we started talking. I got interested because the guy seemed nice and all so after sometime he invited me over to his place and guess what I saw! He lives in filth! His house was so dirty from piled up utensils in the sink, dirt and dust in every corner of the house, greasy dirty bedding, dirty clothes all over the place, dumpy rags in everywhere! I won’t even talk about the bathroom.
It was just out of order and I was shocked at how a human is comfortable living in such environment despite being in a position to pay for cleaning services or even do the basics for himself. I was so grossed out till date Benjamin. So my point is, my interest to get into a relationship with him is really fading away because I love hygienic people.
I’m not even comfortable with him hugging me whenever we meet, leave alone his hands touching me.’
You’ll be surprised there are men who think that having such a dirty house is a positive point to show a woman that he has vacancy for her in his life.
A person’s environment reflects their mindset. You see how disorganised his house is? That’s how disorganised his mind is as well. He’s lazy and dirty. Simple. And that will extend to how he does everything from eating to bedroom life and washing his body. I’m even surprised you didn’t immediately drop him like the dirty thing he is. Literally.
Maturity is indicated by responsibility over one’s own life and one’s own space. If you see that a person’s car is full of cracks and scratches and patches, you don’t need to check their house or even their inner ware.
The pattern is the same. A healthy marriage and even a healthy life requires a sober mind. A husband is supposed to be a leader, so how can you install a leader in your life who cannot manage his own small space?
Question: shall we hold both men and women to a similar standard of cleanliness to determine their readiness for marriage? Of course no.
There are men who are more meticulous and tidy than women but generally as a gender women do better than men. Perhaps because of socialisation, perhaps because of a closer emotional connection to their abode. Generally females are more territorial with their space and therefore they’ll be more detailed in the maintenance of that space.
That said, you want to see someone being sensitive to hygiene and self respect within their current levels of income. While hygiene obvioulsy depends more on responsibility than on money, yet there are levels to it.
Sometimes I may clean the kitchen when I’m home alone and when my wife comes she’s happy to see the effort. But then she will start doing a retouch here and a rubbing there until she ends up redoing the whole kitchen.
What’s happening in this context? Her measurement for what she regards as clean and satisfactory is way above mine. In my view the kitchen was clean, but in her view it could be better. So why did she marry a man who was not as clean as her? You don’t try to marry your match or your competition. In fact that’s one way she complements me.
One day disclosed that when she first visited my bachelor’s ‘cage’ as we used to refer to them, she knew at once that there was no other woman in my life because the standards of cleanliness there were clearly ‘manly.’ There’s a fine touch a woman brings, an ambience and elegance. At least a mature woman, that is. But my house was attended and not neglected, as much as she would have done way better if it was her.
Women don’t want perfection, they want effort. She must see that you’re doing your best. That you’re not neglectful and presumptuous.
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