Rules for Dating in Your 30’s
Never waste a whole year with one person. You don’t have that time. Even in trading markets decided sellers only deal with decided buyers. Stop entertaining window shoppers and speculators.
The moment you have sex during dating, all is lost. It’s better to break off at once. You have cancelled out the key ingredient that makes for a peaceful marriage: sexual discipline. The only way to tell if a person has the capacity for self control and thus faithfulness, is to watch them practice it. So once you cross that line you have approved of extra marital sex in advance.
Self control is difficult during singleness. Sometimes you’ll be fighting with your own body especially when you meet someone who you really like. You’ll get bouts of cravings and ‘hot nights.’ But this is exactly what you’re supposed to control and win against. Victory comes after a fight and you cannot say you won in your singleness if you kept falling to every temptation. The paradox of modern day is that people are starting stealing and compromising with people before marriage and then they hope the same person will be principled and faithful in marriage.
Precedent is foundation. What you do in the beginning you have permitted it for all time. Most marriages don’t end up wrong, they start wrong.
Identify the things that make for your peace and swear your life by them. Things like a clean conscience of knowing you did things right. Things like your confidence and self esteem.
Sift through people quickly. If you’re not meeting prospects then change your position. If your job has cut you away from social networks then use the money you’re making to beat the difference.
When we did our last conference there were people who had travelled from West Pokot, Garissa, Mombasa and Homa Bay. What were they doing? They were compensating for the isolation that comes with their jobs.
Lastly, invest in your healing. Personally I had undergone 75 hours of personal therapy before I started dating, although it had been forced on me as a requirement for my professional training. But the best lesson I gained out of it was valuing psychological self healing and taking my emotional wellness serious enough to pay for it. My marriage life would never have been peaceful or even possible without all that self awareness and self curing exercise.
Perhaps the reason you cannot move things forward is because of internal obstacles you’re unaware of.
(©️ Benjamin Zulu Global)
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