Why a Beautiful and Intelligent Woman Should Not Marry an Egocentric and Foolish Man

A toxic and abusive partner can turn you into a monster. No matter how sweet you are, they will always try to drag you down to their level. I’ve seen good girls turning into psychos because of their toxic and egocentric men. The sad part is those kinda partners are not easy to walk away from. Most people wait until they reach the final circuit of brokenness. Their next partners will be the victims of the nonsense they went through in their past relationship.✍️

Never get into a serious relationship until you’re finished being single.

Never invite someone into your life if you don’t have the space for them in your life to begin with.

Never open up a person’s heart with no intention on catching them when they fall in love with you.

There are good genuine people in the dating world right now willing to give everything they are to have a stable and healthy relationship with someone they have longed for ever since they can remember.

if you’re not ready to step up to the plate, take your hands off another person’s future.

Never bring people into your space and still carry a single mentality! Nooo that’s relationship is never going to work.

Never invite someone into your life if you don’t have the space for them in your life to begin with.

Never open up a person’s heart with no intention on catching them when they fall in love with you.

Once you’re in a relationship, it’s never about you anymore! It’s about us !

It takes two to make is work!✍️

If you are dating anyone seriously or want to walk through the part of marriage
Take time to find out how the person you’re in a relationship with or about to marry was raised.

A lot of people were not raised on Love and in love, most people that we see were raised on “Survival “. They grew up with some deep scars from their personal environment with deep brokenness. They walk around with lots of emotional badges, they don’t even know how to love you properly.

That’s the reason why you see most of people out there unable to love properly and treat good folks right.
A lot of people who experienced hurt, hate, and abuse end up only giving out the same deep hurt that they experienced or witnessed. It’s easy for someone who wasn’t raised properly or has never seen his/her parents treat themselves right to treat his wife right, it’s easy to see the leadership of his manhood as people to intimidate rather than lead. It’s easy not to feel the pain of your woman or the closeness of your kids.

It’s easy for a woman who is carrying a badge, to his a man’s authority over her control, to respect her man and submit is seen to her as slavery

It becomes so tough for anyone not raised on LOVE to survive in a relationship with a SURVIVOR or someone broke from deep inside their genesis!
You may be lucky to have the reverse effect where someone who suffered and experienced hurt, vows to be a better person for his Family but usually, it is one in a million.
Let us raise our Children on LOVE so we can all stop the HURT and DEPRESSION that is distracting our beautiful souls the World over, making them hate, and continuing the thread of broken homes, hearts and souls.

No matter how broken one is, You can’t save them by dating them. Let God change their heart before you try to start a relationship with them.”

“A passion for God is the most attractive feature a man can possess.”

“The best love stories are those written by the author of love.”

“Broken things can become blessed things, if you let God do the mending.”

“She has his heart and he has her heart, but their hearts belong to God.”

“A God centered relationship is worth the wait.”

“Imagine a man so focused on God that the only reason he looked up to see you is because he heard God say, “that’s her.”

“Ladies, look toward the man who: shows you respect, makes you feel safe, and demonstrates his faith in God.”

“You deserve a man/woman after God’s own heart, not just a boy/girl who goes to church. Someone who is intentional about pursuing you, not just looking for someone to date. A man who will love you not just for your looks, your body, or how much money you make, but because of who you are in Christ. He should see your inward beauty. You may have to tell a few guys NO A FEW TIMES in order for the real man to step forward, but it will be worth it. Keep praying and trusting the Lord. It will happen in His timing.”

“Don’t ask for more signs when the truth is clear to you. God doesn’t need to send you more ‘proof’ for you to ignore, believe Him when He shows you the type of person you are dealing with. You may love and care abouth them, but not everything we want is beneficial to our lives.”

“The greatest thing a man can do for a woman is lead her closer to GOD than to himself.”✍️

ABIGAIL saw the panic in the young man’s eyes. He was terrified—and for good reason. Grave danger loomed. Right at that moment, some 400 warriors were on the way, determined to kill off every male in the household of Nabal, Abigail’s husband. Why?

2 It had all started with Nabal. He had acted cruelly and insolently, as usual. This time, though, he had insulted the wrong man—the beloved commander of a loyal and well-trained band of warriors. Now, one of Nabal’s young workmen, perhaps a shepherd, came to Abigail, trusting that she would come up with a plan to save them. But what could one woman do against an army?

What could one woman do against an army?

3 First, let us learn a little more about this remarkable woman. Who was Abigail? How had this crisis arisen? And what can we learn from her example of faith?

“Good in Discretion and Beautiful in Form”
4. What kind of man was Nabal?

4 Abigail and Nabal were not a good match. Nabal could hardly have chosen a better spouse, whereas Abigail found herself married to one who could hardly have been worse. Granted, the man had money. He thus saw himself as very important, but how did others view him? It would be difficult to find a Bible character who is spoken of in more contemptuous terms. His very name means “Senseless,” or “Stupid.” Did his parents give him such a name at birth, or was it an epithet that stuck to him later? In either case, he lived up to his name. Nabal was “harsh and bad in his practices.” A bully and a drunkard, he was widely feared and disliked.—1 Sam. 25:2, 3, 17, 21, 25.

5, 6. (a) What do you think were Abigail’s most appealing qualities? (b) Why might Abigail have married such a good-for-nothing man?

5 Abigail was altogether different from Nabal. Her name means “My Father Has Made Himself Joyful.” Many a father is proud to have a beautiful daughter, but a wise father is far happier to discern inner beauty in his child. All too often, a person blessed with outward beauty fails to see the need to develop such qualities as discretion, wisdom, courage, or faith. Not so with Abigail. The Bible praises her for her discretion as well as for her beauty.—Read 1 Samuel 25:3.

6 Some today might wonder why such an intelligent young woman married such a good-for-nothing man. Remember, many marriages in Bible times were arranged. If not, parental consent was still of great importance. Did Abigail’s parents favor this marriage, even arrange it, because they were impressed with Nabal’s wealth and prominence? Did they feel pressured by poverty? At any rate, Nabal’s money did not make him a fit husband.

7. (a) What should parents today avoid if they want to teach their children a wholesome view of marriage? (b) What was Abigail determined to do?

7 Wise parents carefully teach their children a wholesome view of marriage. They neither urge their children to marry for money nor pressure them to begin dating when still too young to take on adult roles and responsibilities. (1 Cor. 7:36) However, it was too late for Abigail to think about such things. For whatever reason, she was married to Nabal, and she was determined to make the best of a difficult situation.

“He Screamed Rebukes at Them”
8. Whom had Nabal insulted, and why would you say that this was most unwise?

8 Nabal had just made Abigail’s situation harder than ever. The man he had insulted was none other than David. This was the faithful servant of Jehovah whom Samuel the prophet had anointed, revealing David as God’s choice to succeed Saul as king. (1 Sam. 16:1, 2, 11-13) On the run from the jealous and murderous King Saul, David was dwelling in the wilderness with his 600 loyal warriors.

9, 10. (a) David and his men were struggling to survive in what setting? (b) Why should Nabal have appreciated what David and his men had been doing? (See also paragraph 10 footnote.)

9 Nabal lived in Maon but worked and likely owned land in nearby Carmel. * Those towns lay amidst grassy uplands suitable for raising sheep, of which Nabal owned 3,000. All around, though, was wild country. To the south lay the vast wilderness of Paran. To the east, the approach to the Salt Sea led through desolate wastelands riddled with ravines and caves. In these regions David and his men struggled to survive, no doubt hunting for their food and enduring many hardships. They often encountered the young men who worked as shepherds for the wealthy Nabal.

10 How did those hardworking soldiers treat the shepherds? It would have been easy for them to help themselves to a sheep now and then, but they did nothing of the kind. On the contrary, they were like a protective wall around Nabal’s flocks and servants. (Read 1 Samuel 25:15, 16.) Sheep and shepherds faced plenty of dangers. Predators abounded, and Israel’s southern border was so close that bands of foreign marauders and thieves frequently attacked. *

11, 12. (a) How did David show tact and respect in his message to Nabal? (b) What was wrong with the way Nabal responded to David’s message?

11 It must have been quite an undertaking to keep all those men fed in the wilderness. So one day David sent ten messengers to Nabal to ask for help. David chose the moment wisely. It was the festive time of sheepshearing, when generosity and feasting were customary. David also chose his words with care, using polite terms and forms of address. He even referred to himself as “your son David,” perhaps a respectful acknowledgment of Nabal’s greater age. How did Nabal respond?—1 Sam. 25:5-8.

12 He was outraged! “He screamed rebukes at them” is how the young man mentioned at the outset described the scene to Abigail. Miserly Nabal complained loudly about his precious bread, water, and slaughtered meat. He ridiculed David as inconsequential and compared him to a runaway servant. Nabal’s view may have been similar to that of Saul, who hated David. Neither man had Jehovah’s view. God loved David and saw him, not as a rebellious slave, but as the future king of Israel.—1 Sam. 25:10, 11, 14.

13. (a) How did David initially respond to Nabal’s insult? (b) What light does the principle recorded at James 1:20 shed on David’s reaction?

13 When the emissaries reported back to David, he became furious. “Gird on every one his sword!” he commanded. Arming himself, David led 400 of his men to attack. He vowed to wipe out every male in Nabal’s household. (1 Sam. 25:12, 13, 21, 22) David’s ire was understandable, but his way of expressing it was wrong. The Bible says: “Man’s wrath does not work out God’s righteousness.” (Jas. 1:20) How, though, could Abigail save her household?

“Blessed Be Your Sensibleness”
14. (a) In what way did Abigail take the first step toward righting the wrong that Nabal had committed? (b) What practical lesson might we learn from the contrast between Nabal and Abigail? (See also footnote.)

14 In a way, we have already seen Abigail take the first step toward righting this terrible wrong. Unlike her husband, Nabal, she proved willing to listen. As for bringing the matter to Nabal, the young servant said of him: “He is too much of a good-for-nothing fellow to speak to him.” * (1 Sam. 25:17) Tragically, Nabal’s view of his own importance rendered him unwilling to listen. Such arrogance is all too common even to this day. But the young man knew Abigail to be different, which is no doubt why he approached her with this problem.

Unlike Nabal, Abigail proved willing to listen

15, 16. (a) How did Abigail show that she was like the capable wife described in the book of Proverbs? (b) Why was Abigail’s course not a case of rebelling against her husband’s rightful headship?

15 Abigail thought and acted quickly. “At once Abigail hastened,” we read. Four times in this one account we find the same verb, “to hasten,” used regarding this woman. She prepared a generous gift for David and his men. It included bread, wine, sheep, roasted grain, cakes of raisins, and cakes of figs. Clearly, Abigail knew well what she had and was thoroughly in charge of her household responsibilities, much like the capable wife later described in the book of Proverbs. (Prov. 31:10-31) She sent the provisions ahead with some of her servants, then followed alone. “But,” we read, “to her husband Nabal she told nothing.”—1 Sam. 25:18, 19.

16 Does this mean that Abigail was rebelling against her husband’s rightful headship? No; keep in mind that Nabal had acted wickedly against an anointed servant of Jehovah, an action that could well result in death for many innocent members of Nabal’s household. If Abigail failed to act, might she become a sharer in her husband’s guilt? In this case, she had to put submission to her God ahead of submission to her husband.

17, 18. How did Abigail approach David, what did she say, and what made her words effective?

17 Before long, Abigail met up with David and his men. Again she hastened, this time to descend from her donkey and humble herself before David. (1 Sam. 25:20, 23) Then she poured out her heart at length, making a powerful plea for mercy in behalf of her husband and her household. What made her words effective?

Abigail gets off her donkey and humbles herself before David
“Please, let your slave girl speak in your ears”
18 She took responsibility for the problem and asked David to forgive her personally. She realistically acknowledged that her husband was as senseless as his name implied, perhaps suggesting that it would be beneath David’s dignity to chastise such a man. She expressed her trust in David as Jehovah’s representative, recognizing that he was fighting “the wars of Jehovah.” She also indicated that she knew of Jehovah’s promise regarding David and the kingship, for she said: “Jehovah . . . certainly will commission you as leader over Israel.” Further, she urged David not to take any action that might bring bloodguilt upon him or that might later become “a cause for staggering”—evidently referring to a troubled conscience. (Read 1 Samuel 25:24-31.) Kind, moving words!

19. How did David respond to Abigail’s words, and why did he praise her?

19 And how did David respond? He accepted what Abigail had brought and said: “Blessed be Jehovah the God of Israel, who has sent you this day to meet me! And blessed be your sensibleness, and blessed be you who have restrained me this day from entering into bloodguilt.” David praised her for bravely hastening to meet him, and he acknowledged that she had restrained him from incurring bloodguilt. “Go up in peace to your house,” he told her, and he humbly added: “I have listened to your voice.”—1 Sam. 25:32-35.

“Here Is Your Slave Girl”
20, 21. (a) What do you find admirable about Abigail’s willingness to return to her husband? (b) How did Abigail show courage and discretion in choosing the time to talk to Nabal?

20 After she took her leave, Abigail could not help thinking about that meeting; nor could she have failed to notice the contrast between that faithful, kind man and the brute to whom she was married. But she did not dwell on such thoughts. We read: “Later Abigail came in to Nabal.” Yes, she returned to her husband as determined as ever to carry out her role as his wife to the best of her ability. She had to tell him of the gift she had given to David and his men. He had a right to know. She also had to tell him—before he learned of it elsewhere, to his even greater shame—about the danger that had been averted. She could not tell him now though. He was feasting like a king and was as drunk as could be.—1 Sam. 25:36.

Abigail courageously talks to Nabal
Abigail courageously told Nabal what she had done to save his life
21 Again showing both courage and discretion, she waited until the next morning when the influence of the wine had ebbed. He would be sober enough to understand her, yet possibly more dangerous in his temper as well. Still, she approached and told him the whole story. No doubt she expected him to explode in fury, perhaps violence. Instead, he just sat there, not moving.—1 Sam. 25:37.

22. What happened to Nabal, and what can we learn about all cases of domestic tyranny or abuse?

22 What was wrong with the man? “His heart came to be dead inside him, and he himself became as a stone.” Perhaps he had suffered some form of stroke. However, about ten days later, his end came—and not strictly for medical reasons. The account tells us: “Jehovah struck Nabal, so that he died.” (1 Sam. 25:38) With that righteous execution, Abigail’s long nightmare of a marriage was over. While Jehovah does not step in with miraculous executions today, this account is a fitting reminder that no case of domestic tyranny or abuse escapes his notice. In his own time, he will always bring about justice.—Read Luke 8:17.

23. What further blessing came to Abigail, and how did she show that her new prospects did not change her?

23 Besides the release from a bad marriage, Abigail had another blessing in store. When he learned of the death of Nabal, David sent messengers to propose marriage. “Here is your slave girl,” she responded, “as a maidservant to wash the feet of the servants of my lord.” Clearly, she was not changed by the prospect of becoming David’s wife; she even offered to be a servant to his servants! Then we read again of her hastening, this time to ready herself to go to David.—1 Sam. 25:39-42.

24. Abigail faced what challenges in her new life, but how did her husband and her God view her?

24 This was no fairy-tale ending; Abigail’s life with David would not always be easy. David was already married to Ahinoam, and though God permitted polygamy, it surely presented special challenges to faithful women back then. And David was not yet king; there would be obstacles and hardships to surmount before he served Jehovah in that way. But as Abigail helped and supported David along life’s road, eventually bearing him a son, she learned that she had a husband who valued her and protected her. On one occasion he even rescued her from kidnappers! (1 Sam. 30:1-19) David thus imitated Jehovah God, who loves and values such discreet, courageous, and faithful women.

^ This was not the famous Mount Carmel far to the north where the prophet Elijah later had a showdown with the prophets of Baal. (See Chapter 10.) This Carmel was a town at the edge of the southern wilderness.

^ David likely felt that protecting the local landowners and their flocks was a service to Jehovah God. In those days, it was Jehovah’s purpose for the descendants of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob to dwell in that land. Protecting it from foreign invaders and marauding bands was thus a form of sacred service.

^ The phrase the young man used literally means “a son of belial (worthlessness).” Other Bible renderings of this sentence include a description of Nabal as a man “who won’t listen to anyone” and the conclusion, “it is no good talking to him.”

What can we learn from Abigail’s difficult marital situation?

How did Abigail show courage and discretion in dealing with her husband’s insult of David?

How did Abigail speak sensibly and persuasively to David?

In what ways would you like to imitate the faith of Abigail?
ABIGAIL
(Abʹi·gail) [(My) Father Has Made Himself Joyful].

1. A wife of David. Originally, the wife of wealthy Nabal from Maon, a city on the edge of the Wilderness of Judah, W of the Dead Sea. (1Sa 25:2, 3; Jos 15:20, 55) She was “good in discretion and beautiful in form,” while her first husband, whose name means “Senseless; Stupid,” was “harsh and bad in his practices.”

Following the prophet Samuel’s death, David and his men moved into the area where the flocks of Abigail’s husband were pastured. David’s men thereafter were like a protective “wall” around Nabal’s shepherds and flocks, night and day. So, when shearing time came, David sent some young men up to Carmel to call Nabal’s attention to the good service rendered him and to request an offering of food from him. (1Sa 25:4-8, 15, 16) But miserly Nabal screamed rebukes at them and insulted David as if he were an inconsequential person, and all of them as if they were possibly runaway slaves. (1Sa 25:9-11, 14) This so angered David that he girded on his sword and led about 400 men toward Carmel to wipe out Nabal and the men of his household.—1Sa 25:12, 13, 21, 22.

Abigail, hearing of the incident through a disturbed servant, showed her wise perception by immediately rounding up an ample supply of food and grain and then sent these ahead of her in care of her servants, much as Jacob had done before making contact with Esau. (1Sa 25:14-19; Ge 32:13-20) Without saying anything to her husband, she rode to meet David, and in a long and fervent plea, which manifested wisdom and logic as well as respect and humility, she convinced David that her husband’s senseless words did not justify the unrighteous shedding of blood or the failure to trust in Jehovah to settle the matter in a right way himself. (1Sa 25:14-20, 23-31) David thanked God for the woman’s good sense and quick action.—1Sa 25:32-35; compare Pr 25:21, 22; 15:1, 2.

Returning home, Abigail waited for her husband to sober up from a drunken feast and then informed him of her actions. Now “his heart came to be dead inside him, and he himself became as a stone,” and after ten days Jehovah caused him to expire. When the news reached David, he sent a marriage proposal to Abigail, which she did not hesitate to accept. She shared David’s affections along with Ahinoam, a Jezreelitess, whom David had previously taken as wife. David’s first wife, Michal, had already been given by her father Saul to another man.—1Sa 25:36-44.

Abigail was with David in Gath on the western edge of the Shephelah and later down in the NW Negeb at Ziklag. During David’s absence a raiding party of Amalekites from the S burned Ziklag and carried off all the women and children, including Abigail and Ahinoam. Assured by Jehovah of success, David led his men in pursuit and, in a surprise attack, overcame the Amalekites and retrieved the captives and possessions.—1Sa 30:1-19.

Back at Ziklag, three days later, the news of Saul’s death arrived. (2Sa 1:1, 2) Abigail now accompanied her husband to Hebron of Judah, where David was anointed as king. Here she gave birth to a son, Chileab (2Sa 3:3), also called Daniel at 1 Chronicles 3:1. David’s wives increased to six in Hebron, and neither Abigail nor her son receive further mention in the account.—2Sa 3:2-5.

2. One of David’s two sisters. (1Ch 2:13-17) Some scholars believe that she was only a half sister, being related by mother but not by father. At 2 Samuel 17:25 Abigail is called “the daughter of Nahash.” Rabbinic tradition holds that Nahash is simply another name for Jesse, David’s father. The Greek Septuagint (Lagardian edition) has “Jesse” instead of “Nahash” in this verse. A number of modern translations also read this way. (See AT; JB; NC [Spanish].) However, it is noteworthy that the record at 1 Chronicles 2:13-16 does not call Abigail and Zeruiah ‘daughters of Jesse’ but rather “sisters” of Jesse’s sons, including David. This allows for the possibility that their mother had first been married to a man named Nahash, to whom she bore Abigail and Zeruiah before becoming Jesse’s wife and the mother of his sons. It cannot, therefore, be stated dogmatically that Abigail was the daughter of Jesse.—See NAHASH No. 2.

Abigail, David’s sister, is mentioned as giving birth to only one son, Amasa. Her husband is referred to as Ithra the Israelite at 2 Samuel 17:25 but elsewhere is called Jether (1Ki 2:5, 32) and at 1 Chronicles 2:17 is spoken of as “Jether the Ishmaelite.” (See JETHER No. 6.) It is possible that Abigail contracted marriage with Jether during the time Jesse and his family were dwelling in the land of Moab. (1Sa 22:3, 4) Her son, Amasa, received no apparent attention during David’s reign until Absalom’s rebellion. His cousin Absalom then made him the head of his armed forces. Nevertheless, following Absalom’s death, Abigail’s brother, King David, dealt with her son Amasa in obtaining support for his return to the throne, and thereafter made Amasa the head of the army, replacing Joab. (2Sa 19:11-14) This appointment soon brought death to Abigail’s son, at the hands of his embittered cousin Joab.—2Sa 20:4-10.