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Dating when you’re late is a war of nerves

Dating when you’re late is a war of nerves. It’s both a race against time and a struggle to resist desperation and keep your cool.

It’s like looking for something when you only have a short time to get it, and you don’t know where to look. You feel angry but you don’t know against who.

And what defines being late? Of course it’s not about a particular age, although certain years of life avail the highest advantages and ease of searching for both genders, namely 26-29 for ladies and 30-34 for men. But the time you’re ready to settle is also determined by your personal journey and history.

Especially the obstacles you had to deal with, or more often, the stupid choices you made earlier in life.

In any case, the sense of being on time or behind time comes from within you, depending on where the project of getting married falls in your personal schedule.

Being behind time is not a crisis by itself. It’s just a situation or a fact, like being behind schedule for arriving for an appointment. That doesn’t automatically mean a crisis. You simply become aware of the fact, perhaps when you’re on the way, and you get a sense of urgency.

The wrong response is to panic and become hyperactive, because then you’ll make more mistakes. Like hitting another vehicle in front of you or crossing red lights and getting into more time consuming issues.

The situation is never the crisis: the crisis comes when you respond badly. If you respond right you’ll never be in a crisis even when you’re late. You can call and ask for leniency or to reschedule with an hour or so. Or you can change your means of transport to evade traffic congestion, on and on.

Similarly, you cannot afford to panic when you feel late to settle. You should just feel the sense of urgency or how limited the time remaining is, then make adjustments. Focus more on searching. Push the deadline forward by a year or something. Seek out professional help.

Examine how your job could be isolating you. Check if you have unconscious emotional blockade or self sabotage.

Generally, like they say in healthcare, correct solution begins at correct diagnosis. You must conduct an assessment until you arrive at the cause of your delay, whether it seems big or small. A tiny particle can immobilise you if it’s lodged at a sensitive place, like the eye. Do not underrate the power of a seemingly small problem like a past heartbreak, to hold you back.

©️ Benjamin Zulu Global

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