Domestic Violence: A Call for Emotional Intelligence and Support in the Wake of Tr
The recent tragedy involving Shiku, a woman who lost her fingers in a brutal act of domestic violence, has sparked a nationwide conversation on the alarming rise of violence in intimate relationships. This incident, which left the victim physically scarred and emotionally devastated, underscores the pressing need to address the root causes of domestic violence and promote emotional intelligence in society.
Dr. Ekrah Ndungu, Chairperson of the Kenya National Association of Private Colleges (KENAPCO), has spoken out on the issue, urging for a more profound societal focus on emotional intelligence, anger management, and the prevention of violence in relationships.
“Most of the time, I use relationships as a case study for understanding emotional intelligence and anger management. It’s in moments of temporary insanity, fueled by unchecked emotions like jealousy or rage, that lives are changed forever,” Dr. Ndungu said. “Tragic events, such as Shiku’s, often begin with possessive love, unjustified entitlement, and escalating anger. It’s a pattern we need to break.”
Domestic violence, particularly in the context of intimate relationships, is often the culmination of emotional instability that festers over time. Dr. Ndungu pointed out that these violent outbursts are frequently preceded by warning signs—emotional manipulation, verbal threats, and minor physical altercations—which escalate if not addressed.
“Violence doesn’t start with killing; it starts with possessiveness, rage, and control,” Dr. Ndungu explained. “It then moves to threats like ‘I can kill you,’ silent treatment, physical abuse, and, eventually, murder. The pattern is clear, and it’s heartbreaking to see how lives are destroyed in what should be an environment of love and care.”
Dr. Ndungu also emphasized the broader societal implications of this issue, calling for better emotional education and support systems. “Our schools have failed us in teaching how to manage emotions, handle rejection, and deal with relationship breakdowns in healthy ways. These are the foundational skills we need to prevent violence,” he stated.
He highlighted that mental health challenges, often the silent driving force behind violent acts, are only growing in Kenya. “We are entering a dangerous season where people are quick to lash out, even in public spaces. We’re all walking on eggshells,” he added. “Mental health is the future pandemic, and we need to address it now.”
Furthermore, Dr. Ndungu urged society to offer support to individuals, particularly women, who leave toxic relationships. “Instead of judging those who have left, we must support them,” he said. “Leaving an abusive relationship is an act of courage, not failure. We must stop putting the burden of making a relationship work on women, especially when it’s clear the relationship is toxic.”
The emotional and psychological damage caused by toxic relationships often has long-lasting effects. Dr. Ndungu made a powerful call for a shift in social attitudes: “We must embrace those who have left broken relationships without judgment. In doing so, we not only save lives but also help prevent future tragedies.”
He also spoke on the role of institutions, including the church and community leaders, in addressing these issues. “Not everyone who sits in a church pew is a saint. We must scrutinize individuals in positions of leadership and influence. Emotional health is critical, and it is time we hold ourselves accountable for the well-being of those around us,” Dr. Ndungu said.
As Shiku continues to recover from the physical and emotional scars of her ordeal, Dr. Ndungu’s message is clear: violence must never be an answer to emotional distress, and society must act collectively to prevent such tragedies from happening in the future.
This heartbreaking story serves as a poignant reminder of the dangers of unaddressed emotional turmoil and the urgent need for a cultural shift in how we view relationships, emotional health, and support systems for victims of abuse.
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For further information on mental health and relationship management, Dr. Ekrah Ndungu encourages individuals to seek resources and counseling through trusted organizations and support groups across the country.
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