How to Marry Again When You Already Have Children
The following story was told to my friend my a lady whose dad left his marriage and went on to marry again. She said they were too young when the divorce happened. They were five of them, and the oldest was barely ten. Their mother tried using them as a human shield to fight against the dad. She blocked him from accessing them unless he got back with her.
But she was a bitter and quarrelsome woman, although it was not obvious from outside. She was one of those people who reserve their toxicity behind the scenes. Only their family gets their worst side. Out there they’re sweet and charming.
The man had sunk into depression and alcoholism trying to cope, but one day, he got a job transfer to a far away town, and his eyes must have opened while there. He appeared one day and served her divorce papers. Sittings were organised by both families who couldn’t see the cause because barely anyone knew that side of her. The man remained firm.
The woman then ran away with the children, but she couldn’t sustain them. She brought them to her mother, who after a few months shipped them off to their father.
And that was where they found a haven. Their dad was already in the process of getting married to their step mom. She was an accomplished woman in her early forties. She took them as her own children and raised them alongside the one child they got with the husband. The lady’s memories to this day were the Sundays when they drove around as a family sightseeing and visiting any of them who happened to be in boarding school.
Their houses are full of photographs from those moments. Today, they’re all grown, and the lovely couple has retired to a ranch in upcountry. It’s always a joy to visit their ageing parents and to let them bless their grandchildren.
Their mother, on the other hand, became explosively abusive and dramatic over the years. She has cursed and badmouthed all of them to whoever cares to listen.
Her message was one; their father’s leaving saved them as children. It was a courageous move, but it made a world of difference.
The lesson here is that when you want to marry a second time you should find a person who has built a life they’re happy with, and one whose heart is ready to take care of children that are not theirs. They’re planning on taking you and your children as if they were theirs, whether you have full custody or not.
The biggest mistake many make when remarrying is missing out on the person’s heart. A second marriage is different because it often has other people involved and a painful past to overcome. As a result, you shouldn’t get together with someone just because you’re happy together the two of you. You also need someone who fits into your whole life passionately, not just tolerating the other aspects of you.
Benjamin Zulu
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