If a man is reluctant to formalise things do not give him ultimatums- Benjamin Zulu


If a man is reluctant to formalise things or move the relationship forward, do not give him ultimatums. ‘If you don’t do this by this time, I’ll be gone.’ He will end up doing what you want reluctantly, and then you’ll be tied in a relationship that has no passion.

Instead, you should deal with the fact of his reluctance itself as the new reality. Perhaps he has lost interest after getting to know you better, which is perfectly fine anyway. We also change our minds about things after examining them closely.

Or he has been seized by buyer’s remorse, that doubt and confusion that follows after we’ve made a major purchase, wondering if we really got the best deal or we should have looked around more. Mature people don’t dwell on these feelings. They know that there’s no such thing as a perfect choice – it’s all about a balance of pros and cons. Also that any shortcomings will become lessons for the next round. All one needs to do is apply due diligence and make the best choice with the information and resources at their disposal, then move ahead decisively. Time is always rolling, and as soon as we’re done with one decision, another one appears ahead.
So if a man is doubting his choice of you, pressuring him to move forward will only increase those doubts. The right thing is to take control of the situation yourself and move on with your life. If he senses that you’re on your way out, he will be forced to make a decision.

You’ll have left no room for procrastination. Either he steps up, or he watches you go.

All it takes to do this is confidence and clarity, the most wanting qualities in women anyway. Most are weak willed and confused. The moment they feel like they’re in love or that a relationship is promising, they sell on credit. So they lose all power and influence over the man, and they spend years running after defaulters.
Remember, you can have a bad experience with a good person if you do the right thing at the wrong time. Sometimes, a guy was the right one for you, but you mixed up the process when you removed the challenge for him to step up and do things right before he can have all of you. Do not lower the bar however much you’re in love.

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