Is Church as Issue While Dating-Benjamin Zulu
When I was dating I was hoping to find a girl from the Africa Inland Church (AIC), partly because its widely spread in those parts of the country, and partly because I liked their foundational teachings for children and youth.
Although i was not a member of it at the time, I had interacted with them through majority of my family members who had been lifetime members. I had observed that although they did not emphasise gifts of the Spirit and revival like the evangelical churches which I was a member, they taught foundational issues like morals and hygiene which the evangelicals didn’t emphasise.
I liked the way they had a catechism or schools to train young people at every stage of growth. They even had very popular youth camps which were attended in massive numbers.
I figured that a girl who had such foundations in place and then they went on to Christian Unions in high school and the university where they were injected with fire and vibrancy of the gospel they would be well balanced. And as it turned out in my case, my prediction came true to the T.
Of course not everyone who attended these church programs turned out well. A church is an establishment like a school and all it does is provide opportunities for those who want to learn. Just like schools, not everyone excels. Not everyone accepts to learn and get transformed. This is true of all churches. Exposure to teachings is availed to all members but change is personal.
Differences in churches and doctrine can cause a friction among lovers, and even breakups. This is because what we’re taught in churches dictates what we believe and therefore how we behave. You can both be Christians but one of you says they’re born again and the other believes in baptism instead. One of you might have strict adherence to church attendance on certain days but the other puts emphasis on personal worship.
When it comes to church differences, look at what the person believes about various aspects of marriage life. How will the children be named, or baptised, or whether there are customary practices surrounding child birth they’re uncomfortable with? Can he or she dress for an evening dinner or they’ll feel uncomfortable?
Finally, which church will both of you attend after getting married? If none of you is willing to move and join the other, abort mission at once. Such hard lining will cause more confusion including confusing children.
Do not fall in love or lead each other on when the issue of churches has not been settled. You’ll be burying your head in the sand.
One day there was a wedding in my church and the guy was marrying a girl from a Catholic family. I was rather surprised because we had this nation that Pentecostal girls are better because they’re ‘fiery.’ My pastor explained something that changed my perception for good. He said that people are born into families and those families had existing cultures and churches they adhered to. He said its an error to judge people by their family churche. Some are born into very spiritual families but they turn out very cold and ambivalent towards God.
He said to always check a person’s individual walk with God. In that case the bride had a very close relationship God, one my pastor said he had not even seen with many in the so called charismatic churches. Moreover, she was willing to change and join the man upon getting married.
The events were then split in two: the wedding was at the guy’s church and reception at the lady’s church. A perfect harmony and teamwork to make all families feel included.
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