Never be so loyal to anyone until you become disloyal to yourself- Benjamin Zulu
Never be so loyal to anyone until you become disloyal to yourself, and never give to anyone more importance than you give to yourself. Do not worship the idea of being in a union because what you worship becomes your idol and you must do anything to please it.
One lady said her husband was proposing ‘to marry a second wife because he didn’t want to be cheating around. That she was special to him and that’s why he was being forthright with her’ and such other bullshit. And I said that very fact that she gave enough importance to the crap to repeat it to a third party was depressing enough.
The real question here is not about the man or the sick things he’s blurting out but the lady and her total lack of self worth and individuation. You can’t advice her to leave because she’ll leave to where? Leaving is not just physical but emotional. You leave to protect a self worth that’s already in existence. But if someone never built that self worth they’ll never leave an abusive and demeaning situation because they don’t even recognise it. They have no healthy standard of existence to contrast it with.
Understand: your self esteem is your emotional home. You build that home and fence it off from the world and keep it secure as your safe house to run to when the world becomes hostile. If you have never built this home, however, you’ll be homeless in a way and you’ll endure anything out in the world because you have nowhere to go.
It is a matter of life and death that you develop a sense of pride in yourself. And to develop your competency to a degree that you can survive without any relationship if you ever needed to. Never peg your wellbeing entirely on anyone other than yourself. Once people learn that you need them too much they will walk all over you.
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