No, It is Not just You, Men Are Also Lonely!
Men are viewed as strong no matter their situation in the community and different sectors of their lives, be it work, school, family, relationships, or even leisure.
Relationships have been a major influence on men’s mental health with most men ending up not getting into relationships due to mental trauma they experienced in their past relationships.
Isaac Newton, the well-known gravity discoverer, died without a partner because of being a science genius and focusing on his work more than any other part of his life, a behavior that most men in this generation have adopted to safeguard their emotions but are they doing it? And is it worth it?
A partner is someone who is supposed to be there for you even when you need someone to talk to and when you are going through your worst, many men will agree to this but due to individualism most prefer to be on their own because of masculinity which makes them believe that the problem will simply disappear if they ignore it.
A sociologist Philip Slater in his book, “The Pursuit of Loneliness” talked about the toilet assumption which he explained as the situation where people have the assumption that undesirable feelings and social realities will simply disappear if they ignore them, a statement which has reflected on the current generation of men.
Speaking on male loneliness and mental health, Anthony Richu, a 32-year-old man from Uasin Gishu County who had mental instability due to lack of money and relationship problems says that he had a lot of problems in his previous relationships with ladies because he did not have enough finances, what he termed as being the most important thing that ladies look at before choosing a man.
Richu claims that his mental state was at 30% and he was not okay which made him lonely and put more pressure on him as a man that pushed him to work extra hard even without getting support from any other parties, as that is being a man.
After working for years and finally getting the finances he wanted, he was able to get a woman and settle down with her without any problems, his mental state is now at 80% cause a man can never really be 100% okay, he says.
Anthony notes that he supports the Ngugi wa Thiong’o play, “Ngaahika ndeenda” meaning I will marry when I want because it was based on the political independence era which also reflects on the current generation where men want to first earn money and be stable before getting a woman.
The male Genz even came up with a slogan, “fear women” to express how the relationship has become a major hindrance to their mental health due to their past ones not working out as they thought it would, leaving them with trauma and fear, says Anthony.
Edmond Kipngeno, a 28-year-old resident from Uasin Gishu County who despite being of age has not yet gotten married says that being without a woman can indeed be lonely, especially during these times the economy is hard to the point of wanting to end the misery by taking measures like thinking of committing suicide.
He notes that in this case family and friends are important because they are the ones who will give you the love and support you need to come back up as a man and keep your mind off the loneliness.
When Ben Sasse wrote the book, Them; Why We Hate Each Other And How To Heal, he talked about traditional tribes and social connectedness being in collapse because of addiction to technology, and Edmond says that in this generation everything about marriage is different from the other generations who followed the traditional way and got married at a very early age, which they took pride in unlike now when social media has taken over and men are not rushing into marriage as they get whatever they want from the online platforms, a clear reflection of the book.
Men have decided to prioritize their studies and chase the bag which is a key factor in this life before getting a partner to settle with and also because of the hard economy, which has forced many men to be on their own even if it puts their mental health at risk as it is already hard to take care of oneself, adds Edmond.
Edmond quotes the bible and says that we were put in this world as humans to procreate, so the idea of Isaac Newton dying a virgin does not sit right with him, therefore even if not for marriage, a man should have a woman in his life.
He further mentions that he supports the idea of getting married, especially for those who are ready as most men want a family of their own at the end of the day though not everyone is similar as where one comes from affects how he views marriage, if one’s parents were not okay in their marriage, he will have a negative view of marriage.
A student from Moi University, Lawrence Mutie, while speaking about how relationship status affects men’s mental health says that for male students it is not as easy as it seems because young and toxic relationships have grown in universities these days to a point of a young man not wanting to ever get into another one.
Mutie says, money has become a priority in this lifetime and even the young men still in school prefer to find ways of looking for money and put aside relationships, despite the fact that having a lover helps one not to be lonely.
Men have gotten into situations instead of relationships in what is known as ‘friends with benefits’ which has made most men in universities lose interest in official relationships which further delay possibilities for marriage, adds Mutie.
Mutie,23 years old says he is still very young to even be thinking of having a female to start a family with, which most men his age will agree to, and that he keeps his mind focused on other things to avoid feeling the loneliness from not having a partner.
He would not want his family to starve and that is why he is working hard with all the pressures to make it as a man in this society so that he can eventually get a woman.
Men’s mental health has proven to be a major problem brought about by people ignoring the boy child and assuming they are always okay with everything which has not been the case for a long time.
Psychologists should come in and be more open to helping the men more as they also need to be heard which no one does, and for the males, they should learn that they are also human and it is okay to be vulnerable, it doesn’t mean you are weak.
This being a men’s mental health month, all men should come together and make it known that it is okay not to be okay.
Post Author
