Sometimes the place you’re used to is not the place you belong, Life Coach Benjamin Zulu

You can trick yourself into being permanently disoriented in life if you only settle in a place for the sole reason that you’ve been there for long. A friend of mine has a brother who got himself a girlfriend back in secondary school and they ‘pushed’ together for many years until they graduated from colleges and got jobs. The two came from the most opulent families in the neighbourhood and their parents were friends and that’s what had made them interact closely.

But over time the differences between them began to show. They didn’t really share the same energies or values for life. The lady was driven and principled while the guy was laid back and sly. While she possessed huge dreams he wanted nothing more than a sweet, simple life. They kept breaking up and getting back together largely due to cheating on the guy’s end. The lady kept going back because she said ‘it’s so hard to find someone who understands me like he does.’ In truth it wasn’t really understanding her but the bond of familiarity. Against everyone’s advice they got married in a wedding and their wrangles only escalated.

Today they’re more than a decade in and three daughters between them, and they’re wallowing in debt. The man cannot keep a job but the lady has worked in big organisations and currently heads a regional office in a multinational corporate. But her money goes down the drain and they have almost no development whatsoever because the guy is always swindling money in the millions from his wife.

My friend’s family stopped lending him money long ago after he had conned them severally and nobody knows where he takes it to. He’s a mild drinker and a gambler too, but people suspect he could have a secret family elsewhere. And a very extravagant one at that. The wife lives in denial and although my friend’s family loves her they’ve aways told her the same thing: that she’s mismatched. They know their brother and that he is not a straightforward person like her. He’s never been keen on behaving himself for the sake of his family and should she ever need their help to walk out they’ll happily help.
But again, the pull of familiarity keeps her on. Be careful what you expose yourself to because you can get so used to it that disengaging becomes a battle. And just like that your whole life is thwarted.

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