The woman may sometimes earn more but the man must always be the one who works more. Why? Because the leader always works more than the team, whether that’s in corporate leadership or family setting. You cannot imagine a company where there’s a worker who does more than the CEO, or a cabinet where there’s a minister who works more than the president. Whoever works more eventually rises above others in terms of results and influence.
Leadership is a real energy, not a passive position. The one who consistently gets better results gains more prominence and respect, even if they’re not the leader.
What are we saying? That when the wife earns more it should be because her job yields better, not because she works more. Jobs are like farms, in that some yield more with the same amount of effort because of favorable climate, good soil, earlier maturation, and so on.
If the man is putting out more effort but the yields are still not as good as those of the woman, there will be no imbalance in leadership. She can see him doing his best and occupying the space of the family leader, so she will eagerly yield to his leadership.
The problem comes when she is earning more because she’s working more. When she’s more consistent and focused, and so she grows faster in her career. If he’s earning less because he’s laid back or inconsistent, who is really in front now? In this case money is just an indicator of input here. And the woman will rightfully feel resentful because her paid job is always the second job. Her first job is home maintenence, childbearing and the bulk of babysitting, which is always unpaid.
If on top of this first job she must also go out and hunt for the family with more consistency and better results than him, and he appears comfortable with that arrangement, who wouldn’t feel resentful and cheated in such a case?
In summary, your woman can out-earn you due to favorable circumstances and you shall welcome it as a fortune for the family, but she must never out-work you. Your first job is looking out for the family while her first job is looking after the family. The idea is not pressure or comparison, but rather balance and fairness.
You should also avoid telling your children to ‘ask their mother’ every time they ask for money because you’re actually pointing at her as the reliable one, the resourceful one, the leader. You may think you’re avoiding to spend when actually you’re giving away your power. You must strive to always be the go-to person to your children and all the family. It validates your leadership.
Adam, always do more lifting for the family; that’s why you’ve got a stronger body. Go out in the jungle and wrestle baboons.
Eve will always care for the family as her first assignment, that’s why she has a nurturing body-build. Of course she may assist with hunting, but that’s after she has prepared Abel and other kids for school. Or just putting the home in order for the day.
By Benjamin Zulu