Some people will quarrel the whole night and they’re not drunk.
Although they’re complaining about what everyone else is doing, always remember that they are the ones with a bigger problem: zero self-control and self-righteousness.
They’re bitter and obsessed with control, and they’re so unhinged and emotionally dysregulated that they can’t see how they’re worsening the situation and punishing everyone with their anger. A healthy person would never quarrel for hours. They would communicate their point and take the next step to handle the situation. But narcissistic people cannot self-reflect because they’re unwilling to correct anything. Their ego is their god and everyone must bow to it.
These people are easily wounded and any time you try to correct or challenge them they get incensed and they start another round of scolding. They make you so afraid of speaking up that you end up silenced and resigned.
Another behaviour they use is narcissistic rage, which is an almost psychotic explosion where the person appears insane and animal-like. They can throw the tantrum in private or in public, throwing you into anxiety and deep fear. The identifier is that they’re always wrong. They’re either overreacting to a small issue or they’re twisting the situation when they’re the one in the wrong.
They also use a narcissistic stare, which is a hostile gaze with eyes that are emotionless and menacing. Narcissists use it to intimate and terrorise you to submission.
They will also minimise and invalidate everything you say for so long until when they finally act as if they understand you, you thank them for ‘understanding you.’ And then you never get to the details of the behaviours you wish for them to change and so the hurtful behaviour continues. This is called breadcrumbing and they usually use it when they’re about to ask for a huge favour or to stop you from leaving.
In short, psychological manipulation and emotional abuse may be silent but they can make your life hell. You don’t need to wait for physical abuse to prove that it’s ‘serious.’ Your mental well-being matters as well.
You should have a personal policy that you will never put up with people who keep you anxious and full of doubts about their motives towards you. Life has enough uncertainties already and your relationship shouldn’t be one of them.
(©️ Benjamin Zulu Global)
