What Should You Do if You Have Been in Communication With a Man For One Year and Met Again After 9 Years -Benjamin Zulu

‘I have a friend whom we have been in communication with since late last year,we met again after 9 years, started talking and right now it feels like it’s becoming more intimate. We’ve not done anything except calling each other, long chats, dinner dates. I am starting to get too attached to him, my feelings are developing but I don’t know if he feels the same but his actions are making me have hopes.

He said to me that he wanted to get married this year but he hasn’t found a lady yet. Beyond that he hasn’t said anything about wanting a relationship with me. So my question is, should I tell him about my true feelings about him because I might have hopes and yet he’s eyeing another person so that I can save myself from hurting in future.
I’m 26.’

No don’t take that approach of confessing your feelings directly or you’ll get yourself in an awkward position. You cannot initiate the idea of being in a relationship.

Understand the following.

A man who wants you will tell you. The fact that he told you, he hasn’t found a lady yet means he doesn’t see you as the lady either. At least not at the time he told you so.

What you want is to protect yourself from being led on then falling in love alone. You don’t want to get into a relationship with him if he doesn’t feel you, as strongly as you do towards him.

Solution? Stop allowing to be led on. Stop being available for the meet-ups and the constant communication. It doesn’t mean you totally cut off because you might end up becoming good friends still. Simply slow down the communication and adjust interactions to remove the intensity.

Do not friendzone yourself though,by saying ‘let’s just be friends.’ You never say that to someone who has the potential to be a lover.

So just pull back emotionally and stop fanning romance between you. When he asks you out next time or when he complains about your reducing availability take the opportunity express your concerns. Say that you noticed that you’re getting pretty close both of you and yet there’s no stated direction or destination. You’re peddling this bicycle both of you, but to where? That obviously you have wonderful chemistry as friends but you’re also humans with feelings. That unless he has something else in mind for both of you, which he was yet to express, you felt that the pace of interactions was beginning to affect you and in the absence of a clear direction you prefer to tone down.

What will you have achieved by this? Quite a lot! You’ll have avoided proposing a relationship directly or declaring your love which would put you in the awkward leadership position as the woman. You’ll also have invited him to declare his intentions and confirm if he has anything else in mind for the two of you. That’s the most a woman should ever do to assist a man to propose love. If he still cows out, he’s not worthy being with.

You’ll also have saved your friendship from getting ruined by unchecked feelings.

How to prepare for his response?

If he says he actually wants to date you then you shall consider him afresh as a lover. Don’t assume you already know him somewhat. That’s a common but a disastrous mistake for people who date old friends.

Check his attributes as a husband and a father. His discipline as a man. His friendships, whether they’re progressive or wasteful.

Check his money manners and his goals for wealth creation. Beware that financial issues alone can be a deal breaker.

Check how he relates with his family, and beware that this too can destroy your marriage if you ignore it. Where does he intend to settle? What role does his mother and sisters play in his life? Women from a man’s are ALWAYS the greatest risk to that man’s marriage. Confirm if he has healthy boundaries.

Finally, check his godliness and integrity and confirm if you’re aligned. The indicator of a man of character is his sexual self control. If he doesn’t believe in waiting till marriage all he wanted was to sleep with you. Tame your feelings and don’t raise your expectations until they blind you.