The Little Foxes That Keep Good Girls Unmarried
Good girls usually don’t miss out on marriage because of big reasons. They’re not scandalous or party animals. Their life is very calm and, unlike many other girls, they never even had that wild phase in adolescence. She can be virgin at 30 or even 36.
You see, she was a leader and role model from childhood and she lived by the book. Her self respect is very high and her focus is unmatched. She usually arrives at career stability ahead of her peers. But she doesn’t live for herself and she is not wasteful.
You can’t know when she has money because she is not flashy. She maintains the same demeanour she had because money doesn’t define her.
Her heart is gold and her character, solid. She is any man’s dream wife. On the inside, that is.
This contrast of being such a good person but still stuck fuels her frustration as to why she just can’t find her match.
Her problems are subtle and somewhat opaque to see, but very damaging still.
One, a near total lack of class.
A sense of class is very attractive, and the lack of it is very unattractive. Class makes you striking. You immediately stand out wherever you appear.
Those who don’t understand class call it attitude and pride. But class is all about personal standards and elegance. You can be down to earth and kind hearted and still be queenly in your manner. And that’s the combination that kills it.
But this girl has been selfless to a fault. She has never put herself first because that seemed selfish when there were so many needy people aroud her. She dresses ‘modestly’ according to the standards she learnt from home.
The only problem is that from this perspective the idea of class seems extravagant. So she ends up dressed very ordinarily. Even when she accidentally gets royal items she keeps them in the house unused lest she ‘stands out too much.’
As a result, her career and economic standards will be up there but her dressing and demeanour are down here. So what kind of men does she attract? Of course, those on the level of her presentation.
Every man gauges a woman before approaching her to make sure he’s not ‘reaching too far.’
So when the suitors come to know this girl’s actual job and lifestyle they get shocked and retreat. So she develops this idea that she’s intimidating to men when in fact she’s only contradictory in her presentation.
Two, she lives a socially isolated life.
Being a very focused worker, most of her time is spent at work and she’s hardly seen anywhere else. She won’t attend parties and road trips that involve alcohol and partying, so her extra days and weekends are spent indoors catching the needed rest.
Her social media is virtually lifeless and most of her profile pictures are ten years old. Her inbox in unattended and those who try to chat her wait until they give up.
Three: Culture Conflict
Most of these girls will fly high in their careers literally, because that’s all their life is made up of. So they will be sent all over the world to represent their companies, sometimes even spending months overseas or being seconded to international NGO’s. As a result she develops a western perspective to personal life and relationships. Western culture emphasises personal freedom and as much as that’s important, dating is a sort of interview and you must think about your ’employers’ and their African culture. As a result, many remain ‘hanging’ in between the cultures. Not fitting among Africans and not wanting to marry Westerner either.
Solution? When you wage war seek wisdom. Invest in learning and dissolving all your obstacles. Your small yet dangerous ‘clots’ will remain stubborn and chocking your personal schedule of life until you pause and deal with them.
(©️ Benjamin Zulu Global)
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