What You Should Do If You Are the First Born-Benjamin Zulu

If you’re a first born chances are high you will conflict with your parents at some point. This conflict will usually arrive when you start becoming an adult, and so it will be a conflict of personalities and not disobedience as you’ll frequently be accused of.

Imagine you flew off today and landed in some far away country where some adult was to host you for a period of time. You would expect some friction or uncomfortable adjustments before you learn to live together, even if they’re the nicest person. Right? That’s exactly what’s happening with your parent. You’re an emerging adult ‘arriving’ into the earth and their house is your first stoppage point.

They think they know you but in reality they only know the child you grew from. They may desire the compliant child who mirrored their way of life perfectly without any differences, but this adult is arriving with their own perspectives and preferences.

Perhaps you agree with them on principles and values, but personal tastes and styles are enough to bring friction.

Solution? Be tactical rather than confrontational. They’re as surprised by you as you are surprised by them. Even if you’re already in your twenties, the two of you have just met in a way. As adults at least.

Use diplomacy and create a safe distance as soon as you’re independent. The solution to friction and avoiding collision is always disengaging and creating ‘turning room’ as they call it in mechanics. That is, you must establish the kind of independence and space in your relationship that allows for your personality to find expression unhindered by that of your parent’s.

This is one reason you must leave their house as soon as you can support yourself even if it means starting at a lower economic level than they had put you. Your starting level doesn’t have to be their pinnacle level, of course unless they can support for it.