Why Men Marry the Wrong Person- Benjamin Zulu
Most men don’t marry wrong because they aimed too high and missed, but because they aimed too low and hit. Over eighty per cent of the men I meet were fathered poorly, which left them with a crippling low self-esteem and self-doubt.
And since he doesn’t know that low self-esteem is a wound of the soul that he must cure by himself before attempting to marry, he plunges ahead. He goes for desperate or stranded women to avoid rejection.
He then tries to control her to keep her loyal. He does this by over providing, reasoning that if he gives her everything, then she won’t have a reason to go out. But since she only chose him as a fix for her situation or a ticket to the good life, after he gives her material comforts, she now goes for emotional pleasure from those whom she likes. In essence, he is cheated twice; he marries downwards, and he’s still cheated on.
Another form of control is hovering and stalking. Keeping tabs on her every move and communication. This is still smothering, and over time, she rebels or cheats just for vindication.
If this same man just took the time out and healed, he may easily marry the kind of woman who would give him peace and prosperity. But you see, the urges and compulsions of an unhealed man scream and itch for indulgence. It would take a lot of willpower to restrain oneself and go for psychological surgery. This is further compunded by the fact that men have historically mistaken admitting the need for help or healing as weakness. For this reason, only a courageous man will work on his wholeness.
Only this kind of man will ever have a fulfilling marriage because he must be at peace with himself before he can settle in a peaceful union. Troubling insecurities and relentless self doubt can not allow a man to rest in a healthy relationship.
In short, you didn’t parent yourself, brother, and you shouldn’t pay for sins of someone else. Go heal the wounds they caused you with their distance and disaffection so that you can be yourself and at peace.
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