How Men are Walking Into Slaughter House Marriages
Listen to these two stories about how men are walking into slaughter house of marriages because of ignorance and you will see yourself or your uncle or your brother there.
One guy had a passion for business and after graduating with bachelor of Commerce he started a small hardware in town using savings from his student loans. Within two years he had moved to a bigger shop and his customer base was growing. He was very honest with customers, never sold counterfeit goods and he always gave high quality expert advise to his clients for free. His motto was ‘help clients to get the best deals and they will stick with you.’
Around this time his girlfriend of two years also graduated from the university and they decided to settle and start life. He incorporated her into the shop but his female staff started leaving inexplicably and many of his lady clients wouldn’t buy except when he served them personally. Catch the crack: he was only 25 and his wife was 21. A ticking time bomb.
Sales plummeted and he was faced with foreclosure. Luckily the wife went for maternity leave and so he got a reprieve. After that he saw it better to open a different shop for her. He pumped money into it but it still went down. She had no real connection with customers and she had very little understanding of the industry. Soon she said she preferred clothing industry. Again, he opened for her a well stocked boutique at a prime location in one of the leafy suburbs but again she constantly left it with staff to go and ‘watch over’ her husband at his shop. So the cloth shop closed as well.
It’s now five years down the line, the guy now has three big shops located close together so that he can monitor them personally. He’s actually importing machinery to start manufacturing his own paint which will move his business to the next level. But his marriage is a total drawback. They have two very wonderful children which he adores and would do anything to avoid hurting them.
He describes his wife as a quiet and calm person. She hardly talks to people and never raises her voice and this makes it very hard for friends and family to understand the issues they have. She never thinks about business or growth or learning. She’s intensely insecure and all she’s after is to keep any females from coming close to her husband. She has deleted the contacts of ladies from his phone and texted others foul messages, putting him in very embarrassing situations with friends and customers. She’s not outwardly dramatic but she’s a silent serpent as he puts it.
Three times he has attempted therapy and mediation but it has been fruitless because she’ll just sit there and agree to everything but implement nothing.
Clearly they’re a mismatch but the idea of splittng is also traumatising for the man when he looks at his immaculate children. Now she’s demanding to be made the manager of one of the shops and although he will hear none of it she still invites herself to the shop and spend hours just seated and watching who comes in, making the whole situation very awkward.
Another guy recently jetted into the country from the UK where he just settled into a good job with an international corporation after graduating with PhD in economics. He’s only 29 but clearly a high achiever and very driven. So he said he’s here to get married to his girlfriend of 3 years. But he has noticed a few issues which are making him restless. He has established that the fiancee has been secretly meeting up with her ex, although she admitted to meeting him only once which she apologised for. Yes they spent the night together but she insists they ‘did nothing.’ He also got to see a flirtatious chat with her colleague at work but she denied everything and even called the guy to verify her claims. His hunches told him all was not well but again the wedding plans are already on full speed. What’s the catch again? This girl is only 22.
These high flying men seem to share the same kind of ignorance: ‘Get a girl, groom her into what you want then marry her.’ The truth is that you cannot shape human beings. They will become what their attitudes and worldviews make them, not what you want. Your only safety is to marry adults with whom you share values. Leave parenting of young girls to parents.
In sum, if you do your career right but you do your marriage wrong everything will still come down tumbling. The same way you respect the rules of your trade, learn and respect the rules of humam development as well.
(©️ Benjamin Zulu Ke)
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