Why You Need to Rest in Love-Life Coach Benjamin Zulu
To rest in love requires that we relax physically and mentally and this can become a panic trigger when all you’ve known is tight muscles and shallow breaths. Back in primary school we had a kid who came from such a chaotic home that peace and quiet was very triggering for him. Sometimes he could snooze after lunch but if he woke up and found everyone quiet and things calm he would jump in fear and cause a scene. What we didn’t know was that to him silence meant everyone had run away and he was therefore in danger. But when there was noise and activity he was at peace because noise was familiar and less threatening. Chaos was his normal and the absence of chaos meant danger was coming and he should run.
That’s how many people have been conditioned in relationships. Every time there was calm it was followed by shock and pain, and so they see peace as a set up. When you’re getting on well their muscles tighten up because they believe calm is never real but only a precursor of an attack.
This kind of trauma is deep seated and the person must undertake therapy to reprogram themselves. If you don’t recognise the depth of the issue and merely brush it off as ‘memories from the past,’ that relationship will never grow because their nervous system is wired to resist vulnerability and depth.
What if they brush off the idea of therapy? As it is they’re emotionally disabled and you need to ask yourself how far you can go with a sick person who won’t accept treatment.
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